as cliche as this is
everything happens for a reason.
life can change in an instant.
i can’t say i’m surprised of the outcome from recent events, but i am surprised that it was so easy to walk away (and im not talking about me, i didn’t want to walk away) but this wasn’t getting any better. i couldn’t keep ignoring my feelings and he couldn’t keep feeling like he was constantly being doubted.
we can’t give each other what the other wants and it’s a real shame because there’s a lot of love there. but he says he can’t trust me anymore and without trust, what do you really have? trust is a hard thing to gain back and i’m willing to do whatever it takes to get it back, but honestly, this decision is for the best.
i wanted so badly to make him happy, but i suppose i failed. despite my constant efforts. i put so much effort, energy, passion, hope and faith (even though he thinks it was lacking, but i beg to differ) into us because i want (ed) it so badly! but he is in a different place in his life. and loving him means accepting it. loving myself means accepting it, and moving on. it’s time to think about what mimi wants in her life. what kind of life do i want for myself? where is my life going? now i can truly focus on that.
my heart is broken and this is not going to be easy, but i will get through it. i lost my best friend and the love of my life over something so fucking stupid. i was put in the middle of something that i had nothing to even do with!! i said something dumb wasted as fuck. i fucked up, i’m human. but i can’t blame him for wanting to get his life together and “have fun” he’s a 26 year old single guy in film school in hollywood!! i should want that for him and i do.
as a single 25 year old female i should want the same things for myself. and i do.
i’m not going to sit here an wallow in regret. im not going to sit here and get depressed. sure, i’m going to have my weak moments. c’mon i put alot into this, but i refuse to lose myself in this. i have to get my life together, and i work on my issues and my faults. get my career going. this is my time. he’s having his and im going to have mine.
i will always love him. nothing will change that. will we move on and meet other people? it’s a definite possibility, but it will be okay. and we’ll be happy.
i am thankful to have had in my life and we will come away from this, hopefully better people. people who learned something important.
in times like this i have to keep a positive mindset and look on the bright side.
in times like these im reminded of some of my favorite lyrics
"don’t worry even if things end up a bit too heavy, we’ll all float on alright!"
good luck to you. i wish you happiness and the best out of life.